Review | If You See Her by Ania Ahlborn

Three teenagers enter an abandoned house, but only two come out alive. The events on that night leave a lasting effect on the two survivors. Fast forward to almost 20 years later, they are reunited for a single purpose: to return to the house in search of closure. But when it goes wrong, the last survivor of Old Mill House is left looking for answers and a way to escape the hold the house has on him.

When they regarded each other, Reed cracked his signature grin. But there was something strange about it, something not quite right. It almost didn’t look like Reed’s smile at all. Or maybe it was just a trick of the light.

Let me start by saying this book shows the suicide of several characters and their deaths are rehashed many times. This might be triggering for some readers so please be aware.

The main character, Jesse, is unlikeable and pretty difficult root for. We meet him on the night where he and his friends, Casey and Reed went into the abandoned house on Old Mill Road. After Reed jumped to his death, Jesse and Casey coped in their own ways and drifted apart. Jesse became an alcoholic, while Casey embarked on numerous sexual relationships. Almost two decades later, Casey is a famous Youtube star and Jesse is a teacher at the local high school.

Jesse claims that he is happy with his job and his life as a family man but there is a trace of bitterness to his thoughts. His friend’s death and Jesse’s subsequent alcoholism thwarted his dreams of becoming a famous novelist. It took his girlfriend – and later, wife, LouEllen – to help him recover. But he resents Casey’s wealth and the fact that he’s still stuck in the same old small town with no means to leave.

After going back to the abandoned house with Casey, Jesse starts having dreams of a girl and her family who used to live in it. He becomes convinced that he should write a book about the house. Soon, he’s having trouble sleeping and functioning but he still doesn’t believe there’s anything wrong! Whatever’s left in that house affects Jesse’s psyche, turning him into an angry, obsessive person. The entire book is basically him behaving worse and worse which makes for a bleak reading. I am always happy to read a book showing a character’s spiral into madness. But I also need something else to keep my interest. Instead, Jesse’s despair, passivity and struggle to write his book felt slow and repetitive. I couldn’t relate to Jesse so it’s difficult to care about what happens to him.

The book gives background snippets of the girl in Jesse’s dreams and I found myself more interested in her. Unfortunately, her story also plays on very familiar tropes of possession and exorcism. The haunting supposedly moves from person to person, but it’s not fully explored. I thought certain scenes of her haunting Jesse to be quite spooky but I wish there is more of a link between her story and Jesse’s need to write his book.

I think the writing is engaging and there are moments when I could sense what the author is aiming for. But despite a very strong start, I was left wanting at the end. If you’re looking for a real downer of a read, you might give this a try. Be warned that it is very grim!

About the author: Ania Ahlborn

Photo by Orlova Maria